My name is Ashley and I have fallen off the bandwagon for the past three months.
I have been eating all the stuff (cookies, chips, donuts, cakes, etc) that has gotten me fat in the past and it has does so again now. I have gained some weight in the past few months and am hovering at a number that I do not like.
I need to get my shit in order. I am going to see Dr. Flock on Wednesday August 1st and am going to get my first fill- a big one I hope! I need it!
I also need to practice some self control. I also need to address the issues that are bothering me and making me slip back into my old ways. The issue is that I am not finding other things to do when I am worried/stressed/tired/bored/etc than eat. I need to go back to finding other things to do.
But to be honest I also need to make sure that I make good decisions throughout the day. I need to track my calories- hello again, LoseIt! I need to exercise daily (I have been sporadic at best).
I have found something that I really enjoy doing- Standup Paddle boarding (SUP from here on out) and I still have P90X and other BB programs. I just need to do something everyday. No excuses.
I do not want to be one of the weight loss surgery people who gain their weight back. AND I WON'T BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE! Sorry for yelling there. But, if anything this has taught me over the past two months that we all have demons that we need to fight daily. That perhaps I need to find a way to manage my problems with sugar and emotional eating that it causes other than just saying "I will never eat sugar again!"While although that is a good stance, it is not realistic. And it should not take me one donut to go off the deep end like a freshly out of rehab crack-head at a crack party.
I need to always focus on my health and continuously monitor my emotions and before every bit ask myself "why am I going to eat this? am i really hungry?".
Well, I have been contemplating of writing this post for a while. This is like coming back to the AA group after falling off and admitting that I do not have my stuff fully together after all.
I am still better than where I was a year ago, but I am not better than where I was three months ago. And that enrages me. But I must move on, get over, put on my big girl panties (adult not plus size) and continue down the path of healthy eating and healthy living. This time though I am going to work on a real-life plan. A plan that will include some healthy whole grains, moderational treats, but still focusing on protein first and the WLS Rules (I mean really where the hell have they been in my life for the past three months). I am going to dust off my rules now and get back to work on them.
My name is Ashley and I have issues with food, sugar, and emotional eating.