Weight Loss Progress

Monday, July 30, 2012

Why Do Things Happen?

We can plan for things. Try to do our best to plan and make things as efficient and effective as possible.Yet for some reason-that is completely external to your doing- it will make all of your planning pointless.

Why is this?

Now this can happen in any aspect of your life. Health, fitness, financial, paperwork, work, traffic, etc. But why does it happen and how should we react to it? Is there any way to react to it that is effective? Or is it best to just find a way to deal. To learn from what is happening and to practice patience and acceptance and move on with our lives until things fall back into place.

I am not a Church-going person, but I am spiritual. I believe. I do BELIEVE! I believe there is a greater being and a path that is planned for each of us. I believe that everything happens for a reason- even reasons that we do not understand. Perhaps somethings never really being fully understood without serious detachment from the issue- and who can really detach from some issues (for this I think of sudden loss of a loved one, etc).

But for the most part, there are lessons to be learned and paths that need to be taken that at the time might not be exactly where in our minds we want to go. I mean in my situation of starting a family and being in a lesbian relationship- it is not as easy as it is for some families. Things happen. We can plan to go from Point A to Pregnant(Point B) to Birth(Final Destination), but unfortunately that is not life. There are steps in the middle just from Point A to Pregnant(Point B) that are tiresome, stressful, and at the times heart wrenching. But we must learn from all of these things. We must assess what it is that we really want, are there other paths from Point A to Point B to the Final Destination that we are just not seeing because of this giant blind spot in the vehicle we are driving in the journey.

Are we so focused on the final destination that we are missing a whole bunch of fun sights along the way? Should we just try to enjoy the ride to the final destination? Should we get a new vehicle or take a bus or train on our journey to the final destination of our trip?

Sometimes one may even ask, "why are we on this path to this destination in the first place", but in my case I would never ask that because I love and want this final destination- but in my case my final destination is a family and child, so it is a bit different to our life situations.

I love my wife with all of my heart. She is my best friend. My soulmate. She wants a child more than anything and I want to share that experience and raise a child of our own together. As we travel down the road in this trip to the final destination it is important for us to keep in mind that when a road has construction on it, we can't start crying and swearing like sailors (sorry Steve) at the construction workers, but rather we need to turn up the music, open the window (if whether permits), and enjoy the company of each other as we wait to pass the construction site. While perhaps posting a few Facebook updates/pics of our journey and sharing our lives with our loved ones.

I guess the central point of what I am writing about is that things happen for a reason. We may not know the reason or understand it at that point, but everything will work out for the best in the end. But as we endure and experience these "things" that are "happening" to us, we need to enjoy it (as hard as it may seem) because the traveling from "things" to "things" are what makes up the story of our life in the end.

I leave you with the following: "Enjoy the moments in your journey, because those moments are what make up our life".










Thursday, July 26, 2012

Getting Back on My BandWagon- 7/26/12

My name is Ashley and I have fallen off the bandwagon for the past three months.

I have been eating all the stuff (cookies, chips, donuts, cakes, etc) that has gotten me fat in the past and it has does so again now. I have gained some weight in the past few months and am hovering at a number that I do not like.

I need to get my shit in order. I am going to see Dr. Flock on Wednesday August 1st and am going to get my first fill- a big one I hope! I need it!

I also need to practice some self control. I also need to address the issues that are bothering me and making me slip back into my old ways. The issue is that I am not finding other things to do when I am worried/stressed/tired/bored/etc than eat. I need to go back to finding other things to do.

But to be honest I also need to make sure that I make good decisions throughout the day. I need to track my calories- hello again, LoseIt! I need to exercise daily (I have been sporadic at best).

I have found something that I really enjoy doing- Standup Paddle boarding (SUP from here on out) and I still have P90X and other BB programs.  I just need to do something everyday. No excuses.

I do not want to be one of the weight loss surgery people who gain their weight back. AND I WON'T BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE! Sorry for yelling there. But, if anything this has taught me over the past two months that we all have demons that we need to fight daily. That perhaps I need to find a way to manage my problems with sugar and emotional eating that it causes other than just saying "I will never eat sugar again!"While although that is a good stance, it is not realistic. And it should not take me one donut to go off the deep end like a freshly out of rehab crack-head at a crack party.

I need to always focus on my health and continuously monitor my emotions and before every bit ask myself "why am I going to eat this? am i really hungry?".

Well, I have been contemplating of writing this post for a while. This is like coming back to the AA group after falling off and admitting that I do not have my stuff fully together after all.

I am still better than where I was a year ago, but I am not better than where I was three months ago. And that enrages me. But I must move on, get over, put on my big girl panties (adult not plus size) and continue down the path of healthy eating and healthy living. This time though I am going to work on a real-life plan. A plan that will include some healthy whole grains, moderational treats, but still focusing on protein first and the WLS Rules (I mean really where the hell have they been in my life for the past three months). I am going to dust off my rules now and get back to work on them.

My name is Ashley and I have issues with food, sugar, and emotional eating.

Friday, June 15, 2012

I Am Still Alive

Hello World!

I am still alive and well. It has been a long while.....over six months a while since my last post.

I have been floundering.... well I was doing really well until the month of May and then I started to go back to some of my old ways.

Being that summer (I'm a teacher) is starting for me on the 21st of June I am ready to get back on the horse and keep trucking to my destination of 142lbs.

I have recently purchased Beachbody's Les Mill Pump program and will being doing that program until I have a small foot surgery on July 16th. Then I will have to take two to three weeks off of the program and rest.

I have realized that like always when I am doing well and getting into eating well I suddenly decide to "switch it up" and that historically and currently results in me fucking up. Back in 2005 after losing 80+ lbs I decided that I was going to eat more "like the French do" and so I started incorporating butter and cheese and bread.....and there went the decent of that healthy living binge.

Recently, I started looking into Paleo dieting. Which is pretty close to how I WAS eating except it eliminates processed foods, dairy, beans, peanuts, and adds in more fat -particularly natural forms of fat (even saturated meat fat).
By "looking into" the Paleo diet I have sort of been allowing myself to flounder and for some reason I have hit the sugar truck- hard- again. I NEED TO GET OFF OF THE SUGAR! Need to!

So tonight I have sat down with Josie and started talking about what made us successful last summer and compared that to what we are currently doing. The differences are clear- I need to go back to my roots. I need to focus on my health and making good decisions daily.

I have come up with a list of seven power points that I will be focusing on for the next two weeks and see how many pounds I can lose in that time.

The seven power points are:

1. Protein First @ every meal and snack.
2. Eat whole foods (as much as possible, while maintaining point 1)
3. Low sugar and low carb
4. Log food on LoseIt daily and keep calories to under 1200 calories.
5. Move daily (this will focus on the Les Mill Pump program for now)
6. Drink 100oz of water daily
7. Take my vitamins

These are seven points that I will rate myself on each day. And I will post here how I am doing on the seven points each day. 7stars will equal great day while anything less than four stars will be considered a poor day.

Look back tomorrow for an update and how I am doing. I am going to need to start a sugar detox, so I know I will be feeling shitty- but we all must do things that are not too fun to make ourselves better.

And Monday begins my Les Mill Pump first workout. Gotta get back on this horse. I have come to far to reverse in anyway- at all! Let's do this!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Monday, January 9, 2012

I'm Back!

Hello Everyone!

Let me apologize I am sorry. I have left the blogging world for over one month and December was a month of a slight gain, no major relapse, but I gained about four pounds. I am in the low 170's and know that after a good solid week of no carbs/sugars I will be back into the 160's.

But I am sorry to leave you all hanging. December was a busy busy month. It is weird how December comes and everything else starts flying-time, no sugar rules, etc.

I also had a cold for three weeks straight and I am finally feeling well again. I got some Nasonex at the doctors, but I had been living off of Mucinex and Vicks NatureFusion Nighttime (awesome by the way, I slept like a rock).

As for the diet, I have had a hard time getting off the carbs consistently since relapsing over Christmas time, but today I know that I am back. The culinary teachers at work brought cookies to our meeting AND............

I did not have one! Amen! My will power has re-entered the building! I was missing you Will!

I came home and took Moji for a walk today and have my bag packed for the gym (after work, no excuses) tomorrow. I need to get back on that damn exercise train! As long as I get some cardio in and start doing it again I will be happy.

I am cooking a nice dinner of Chimmicurri Salmon and a baby vegetable medley. No refined carbs or sugar here! I will finish off the night with some apples with peanut butter.

Got some cardio in, stayed within my calories, and stayed refined carb free.

Now to work on getting in my water.

Everyday is a new chance to stay on my plan and become a better me.

I'm here and bring it! Less than thirty pounds till I reach my goals of 142lbs, and I want to get there before my bandiversary - April 21st! I can do it!


Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

I just wanted to write a quick post to give my official Thursday weight-in day report and to wish everyone a very happy and love-filled Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving Day 2011 Weight-In, Down 112.8 lbs in Seven Months
Today I weighed in at 171.2 (112.8lbs down from starting high of 284lbs just seven short months ago)! I am so happy and thankful that I had the opportunity to have WLS! I am a new person and am so very happy. I love me and my life and would not change my new lifestyle for any food binge or sugary food out there, but I also know now that the key is to live in balance.

I had a small breakfast today with a one scrambled egg, 1/2 cup fruit salad, and 1/3 cup of my Grandmother's recipe Meat Stuffing (only made once per year). We are going to the Mohegan Sun Casino Buffet for lunch/dinner and I am looking forward to having a reasonable meal (protein focused) and my treats will be a piece of a crepe (they have a crepe station) and a Skinny Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks! Yummy.

Beyond that I am enjoying spending time with my family and enjoying the day!

Happy Thanksgiving and remember to take time to be thankful for all that life has given you. This is a rehash from my last post, but I will share again because it is what I am Thankful for this year.


My Thanksgiving Thankful List 2011
1. My family and my beautiful partner (I consider all of my canine family members in this as well)
2. My good health and the good health of my family
3. WLS- I thank Anthem BCBS, Dr. Floch, and Dr. Pal for making WLS possible this year
4. Friends and a support system that has fostered my new lifestyle and my lifestyle changes
5. My job as a teacher and as a substitute rural carrier- having a job is a wonderful thing in this economy
6. Newly founded balance and control of my life from excess and the wanting of excess (food and materials)
7. My iPhone, my MacBook Pro, and my iPad <in that order>
8. A great upbringing- parents and family who always loved, supported, and educated me
9. The sense of humor that I have been graced with
10. Appreciation of all the small things that make life great



Thank you for all of your support! <3

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Weekly Check-In 30 & 30.5

Week 30.5 Check-In

Hello Everyone!

I did not get a chance to check in last week for my Week 30 Check-in because I was too busy being fabulous! LOL!

Ashley & Food
Well, I have been doing good with my diet (except for a few exceptions). I have been eating a few carbs and treats on the weekends <I ate two brownies and two cookies on Sunday, and a small popcorn from the movies on Saturday when I went to see Breaking Dawn, Part 1). Carbs and sugar need to be kept to a true minimum because they don't agree with me (carbs=gas pains) and sugar ends up giving me a headache.

I have been eating a few treats, but I noticed that my mindset has changed. I know that if I am going to the movies and am planning on popcorn then I have to have a sensible breakfast and dinner with lean protein in each. And that is what I did. I also know that sugar is the Devil and it is a very slippery slope, you have a little and the next thing you know you are breaking into your sisters house for the next sugar fix. <and I'm not necessarily joking on that one>

It is all about balance! If you are going to splurge then splurge and enjoy, but know that you need to even it out by eating well for the rest of the day or week even. It is all about balance.

Also, brownies and me...don't really agree.  I had a pain on the side of my ribs (gas pain I think) that I thought was going to kill me. Lesson learned, carbs = no friend of mine.

So far this week (Monday and Tuesday) I have eaten really sensibly and had liquid breakfasts (that's protein shakes, not liquor) and small lunches and dinners (protein and a small piece of fruit). I have had a few Starbucks Skinny Peppermint Mochas', and OMG delicious and 100 calories and 10g protein.

Weight Loss Progress
My weight has been fluctuating because of the carbs, but two days after the carbs I am back to my range of 172-174. I am three pounds away from making my monthly goal- by Dec. 1st I wanted to be at or below 169.9!
This morning I weighted myself and I was at 172.6, so it may happen...if I stay focused and motivated.

I'm getting there!
Goals For the Next Week
I need to workout (haven't really done that in over three weeks, I have walked but no gym) and I need to watch my diet (which I have been doing) and drink my water (which I need to work on).

Those are my goals and hopefully i will make it to my November goal weight.

My First Thanksgiving (2011)
Thanksgiving is not going to be a problem. I am going to focus on family, the experiences, and enjoying myself. We are going to the Mohegan Sun Casino Buffet,  so I will have lots of choices and I will choose the healthy ones. I have mentally rehearsed for this like a mofo'! I will have some turkey and vegetables. No stuffing. And maybe a small dessert (it is a holiday). Then Friday it is back to usual. It's all about balance.

I am cooking my own turkey on Wednesday night, so I know that I will have plenty of protein to get me through till the end of time. LOL. Never cooked one for myself before, so I am hoping that I don't ruin the turkey. I'm sure it will be wonderful.

And I have been doing a lot of cleansing and decluttering of my house and life. I have been working on simplifying and am turning to minimalism (trying to, it will take time). Every morning I have been saying what I am thankful for while in the shower and appreciating all that I already have. In the spirit of Thanksgiving I will share with you some of what I am thankful for this year.

My Thanksgiving Thankful List 2011
1. My family and my beautiful partner (I consider all of my canine family members in this as well)
2. My good health and the good health of my family
3. WLS- I thank Anthem BCBS, Dr. Floch, and Dr. Pal for making WLS possible this year
4. Friends and a support system that has fostered my new lifestyle and my lifestyle changes
5. My job as a teacher and as a substitute rural carrier- having a job is a wonderful thing in this economy
6. Newly founded balance and control of my life from excess and the wanting of excess (food and materials)
7. My Mac, my iPhone, and my iPad <in that order>
8. A great upbringing- parents and family who always loved, supported, and educated me
9. The sense of humor I have been graced with
10. Appreciation of all the small things that make life great

Well, I wish all of you a Happy Thanksgiving! Thank you for reading and following me this year, for supporting me! And here is a link to an interesting article, I could agree more! The focus of the holidays should be your family, that's my focus! This is my first Thanksgiving since my ReBirth and I will be focusing on enjoying it with my family!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Week 29 Post-Op Update

Hello Everyone!!!

I officially weight 173.6 lbs as of this morning. Woot woot!!!!

Holla!!!! 110.4 lbs down since Pre-Op!!!


That means I have lost 110.4lbs in total since starting the pre-op diet on April 7, 2011.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!?!

It is amazing. I am stoked.

I am getting used to my body's monthly weight loss cycles and know that I go from not losing much for two weeks to losing 7-9lbs in two weeks. As long as the weight comes off every month I am understanding the cycle and I'm OK with it.

I have totally converted over to using Weight Watchers system of tracking and having unlimited fruits and veggies. But it's not really unlimited (since I can't eat unlimited of anything), but I will have an apple and not worry that it has 100 calories in it (which I was stressing about before). I am still tracking my weight on LoseIt.com and love LoseIt, but I needed to switch it up I feel. I am only 8.2lbs away from getting the 100lb badge on LoseIt, which will enable me to buy the 100lb club t-shirt! I want it!

My weight loss goal for the month is to get to 169.9 or lower by December 1st. I really would like to be in the 160's by the time December hits and that would put me on a good track to end the year strong and get to my ultimate goal of 142 by the end of March. I only have to lose 3.7lbs in two and a half weeks to meet my goal for November, but I know my body's cycle so hopefully I can accomplish that goal! I feel like I will, I know I will!!!!!

My goal for the next week is to keep doing all that I am currently doing, but to add in 30 minutes of exercise each day at a minimum. I have been slacking on that during the past two weeks (losing power and Martha Monthly will do it every time, LOL!). But seriously I need to move and not let the exercise slip b/c I am busy or that its getting dark and cold out. Exercise is important not only for my weight loss, but also to help me feel good. Gotta do it! That is my goal for the week, to keep doing what I am currently doing but to also add in 30 minutes of exercise every day- no excuses!


I have also read an interesting article on Yoga Journal's website, The Joy of Baking, about the joy of giving through food (particularly baked goods). Now, we all know that I do not eat refined carbs (or at least very very rarely!) but I do see the happiness and connectivity that food brings people. How it can be a very spiritual and mindful practice to lovingly make a food item for someone and then to have them enjoy it knowing that it was lovingly made for them. There is something warm and fuzzy about it. So, with this in mind I made a cinnamon cake with butter creme frosting for my boss at work, who was in the military (and tomorrow is Veteran's Day so.........). It was nice, I enjoyed making and thought about him and all of our Veteran's while doing so. And then I got to see him enjoy it along with a few of my co-workers. And it brightened their days.

What I have realized is that I do not have to eat the sugar or refined carbs, if I do it's my choice, but I choose not to the vast majority of the time. But it does not mean that I can't partake in the joy and happiness that comes from sharing a part of yourself with others through food and baking, in this case the part of myself was shown through a cinnamon cake. I think I am starting to come to terms with food, my sugar addiction, and how to handle myself around it. I also am trying really hard to concentrate on the joy of the events and on the feelings surrounding giving, food, and the holidays. Not concentrating on gorging myself on the treats, but rather the connection you feel with others and the joy of sharing part of yourself and your love.

God, I really am gay! But I will keep doing this. And if you get a chance read the article that I linked to above. It really impacted me and maybe it will do the same for you.

Have a good week and next week's post will focus on mindfulness and the holidays.

<3